Hunting the Terrorist Within: Conquering Imposter Syndrome with Alani Bankhead
Jen Porter (00:00)
Hey, Lioness, welcome to the show, Lioness Conversations, where we help women be brave, to lead with confidence and joy, and to find your path to the most meaningful work of your life. I'm your host, Jen Porter, leadership and empowerment coach for ambitious and heart-centered women. Today, we have a very special guest, Alani Bankhead. Alani is a career terrorist, spy, and human trafficker hunter.
Jen Porter (00:30)
With over 20 years of in human intelligence operations, she has been all over the globe
hunting bad actors. She's a TEDx and keynote speaker, best-selling author, leadership coach and consultant at her company, Mighty Sparrow Coaching. Alani's new mission is to rid the world of fear. Alani, welcome to the show.
Alani Bankhead (00:38)
Jen it is so fun to get to play with you today. Thank you for having me.
Jen Porter (00:58)
I'm so excited to have this conversation. just to give a little bit of background about how we know each other. So Alani was, so we both worked at International Justice Mission and I had the pleasure and honor of getting to interview Alani and help onboard her into the organization. I remember seeing your resume and then interviewing you and it was like, this woman is amazing and she's going to come and do this work with us in this mission.
And I was just so thrilled to have you on board. meant, yeah, a ton. Like I'll always remember you coming on board.
Alani Bankhead (01:33)
my gosh, that is so sweet of you to say. And you know, it's funny because of course I view you as the person who recruited me and it was such a delight to get to work with you for that time period. hearing you say that, you know, at the time I didn't think of myself that way. Like I knew I was meant to be at IJM. yeah, but my resume, you know, to other people looks impressive, but.
At the time, all I saw were failures or maybe things that didn't go so well, but I knew that this was the right place to be. And you've always been such a bright light and it's always such a joy to get to play and interact with you. And so I'm glad we had that time and I'm glad we get today to talk.
Jen Porter (02:03)
Yeah.
I know, me too.
And it makes me think about how much life has happened since we worked together all those years ago.
Alani Bankhead (02:22)
So much, it's been almost 10 years. Isn't that insane? Crazy, yes.
Jen Porter (02:25)
That is crazy. So
we're gonna get into that. And I love what you're pointing to is some of the imposter syndrome that you were feeling even at that time with all of that experience that you had and every, like all the wealth that you brought into that role. And now you're serving others. You're helping others with those same fears and doubts and imposter syndrome. So I love that. So tell us, what is your focus now?
Alani Bankhead (02:48)
Yes.
Oh man, Jen, things are so crazy right now. So we're recording this in February of 2025 and I have my business, but I actually got activated. So I'm still a reservist with the Air Force. I'm a special agent. I'm a Lieutenant Colonel. So because of all the world events and everything happening, they asked me to come on. So I'm actually rewriting how the Air Force deploys for our counter espionage, counter intelligence agents.
Jen Porter (03:20)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (03:20)
which is super wild. The business is doing amazing. I'm speaking, I have corporate gigs. My clients are the most amazing, incredible human beings. I have Joyful Money Club going, which is about shifting your money mindset, but it's really about worthiness, right? And so my hair is on fire, but it is the most fun season right now. It's just been so much fun.
Jen Porter (03:49)
love that you, I mean, still involved, right, with your service through the Air Force, but you get to do all, you have so much freedom to build and give in the ways that are most important to you. So what is your true passion now?
Alani Bankhead (03:58)
So much freedom.
My true passion is ridding the world of fear in whatever capacity I'm called to. So I have a slightly, I think, unique perspective or maybe mindset where understanding that my life purpose is to rid the world of fear, I know that everything I do has to connect to that. So there have been opportunities in the past to serve as a reservist, but those doors would close kind of in the process of getting that going. And so, you know, the fact that
God, I'm a very spiritual person, right? So the fact that God opened this door now, I know that there's a reason and I can see the work that I'm doing is to remove fear barriers for all these amazing people who are called to protect our country. And so whether it's that or Joyful Money Club, we have fear barriers when it comes to money and our worthiness. And the concept that we would be...
worthy of a life of abundance. So literally everything, I'm always very cognizant of allocating my time in the right ways, but I do leave 30 % for God to intervene on my behalf. so whatever the adventure is today, I'm just along for the ride. it is honestly, know people say that it's humbling and it's such an honor to serve, but truly at 20 plus years of service,
Jen Porter (05:12)
Yeah. Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (05:28)
It is such an honor to get to serve these amazing people who are volunteering their lives for their country and just help them feel empowered and confident and knowing that their gifts, they can offer them in a really joyful way.
Jen Porter (05:33)
Thank
Fear is enormous. mean, it can control us. It can drive our decisions. And yet, you know, I've done a ton of work around fear and really befriending my fear so that I see it, it helps me, but it doesn't, it's not driving the bus. You know, it's not the one driving my decisions, but we all deal with it. So I'm really curious, what kind of fear do you mean?
Alani Bankhead (06:02)
Yes.
Jen Porter (06:10)
that you see showing up with people who are serving our country or trying to protect others? What sorts of things do you see?
Alani Bankhead (06:19)
So the primary area I work in is with imposter syndrome. So it's the belief that you're not good enough or qualified for the titles, the awards, the accolades, the positive feedback, or maybe the income, and that people around you think more highly of you than you actually are. And one day they're gonna figure out that you're an imposter and you're gonna lose your reputation or maybe even your job or your livelihood. And so studies going back to the 1970s,
show that 70 % of the population experiences this and the number is actually higher if you're in a marginalized community. And I'm talking, there have been over 60 studies done on imposter syndrome. And so because of the work that you and I have done, we've been international. I've worked with anti-child exploitation and human trafficking teams on almost every continent.
And, you know, after 20 years in the space, you see the same themes popping up and the number one barrier to success on any team, corporate, military, government, family is imposter syndrome and self doubt. It's it's this little terrorist in your head that tells you you're not good enough and who are you to do this? And that's what keeps us in scarcity mindset and stops us from offering our best gifts.
Jen Porter (07:32)
and
Alani Bankhead (07:38)
It stops us from achieving the solutions that we know humanity needs. It stops us from connecting with people. whether I'm working military, law enforcement, corporate, whatever, it's always imposter syndrome that we're getting at. Because as soon as we can remove that fear barrier, you're going to unleash and thrive. And it's going to be amazing.
Jen Porter (07:55)
Yeah.
What kind of shifts and outcomes do you see when, when people are able to press through? I don't know that we ever sort of heal fully from it, but what outcomes, what changes for people when they overcome some of those fears and self doubt.
Alani Bankhead (08:15)
my goodness. I'll give an example of, so I had worked child exploitation operations in the Pacific Ocean for about four years. And traditionally these cases are very hard to prove because especially if it's online, it's hard to attribute ownership of an account, right? The perpetrators are really good at hiding who they are. And so the teams that I worked with, so I had the incredible privilege of leading
It's like 17 law enforcement agencies, everybody from the FBI to Homeland Security to the military to the local police departments and giving them the space and helping them remove those fear barriers resulted in some of the most innovative solutions. we have, everybody thinks it's about law enforcement. It's actually about intelligence. So we have these amazing intelligence analysts, super quiet. They're kind of known to be kind of introverts that hang out on the internet and go down wormholes all day, right?
And a couple of them came to me one day and they said, hey, we think we have a solution to help identify the perpetrators. And we, over the course of that time, because of that unleashing, identified it was over 95 % of the perpetrators. Before they walked out of their door, we knew everything about them, their identity, where they worked, if they had access to children.
But for the Intel analysts, it was scary and vulnerable to say, hey, this has never been done before, but we think it's gonna work. And most people will allow their self doubt to stop them from taking action. And they didn't do that. They overcame their fears. And now they're one of the examples that I use to share that because of them, we ended up getting over a 90 % conviction or plea rate in court, which is really unheard of.
Jen Porter (09:50)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (10:07)
And when people ask me about the success, I'm like, it wasn't because of my investigative work or the investigative work we did. It was because these Intel analysts had the courage to provide a solution nobody had ever seen. so, I mean, it's just, and it's literal magic. I mean, I get chills just thinking about that one example. And I see that with all of my clients. They get better mission outcomes.
Jen Porter (10:17)
Wow.
Mm-hmm.
Alani Bankhead (10:35)
they
make more money because now they realize they're worthy of having a good, comfortable life. They have better connections with people, because really, it's all about connecting with yourself and other people too, right? And so when you learn to be collaborative in a space to achieve better outcomes more efficiently with better budget outcomes and stuff, it's just magic. So yeah.
Jen Porter (10:42)
Yeah.
Fear is so powerful. I think about the example with the analyst and two things come to mind. One is, wow, I can recall in my career where I've silenced myself. I've allowed myself to be silenced because of fear. I didn't want to say the wrong thing or have the wrong idea, be shot down, rejected. The second thing that I think about is
When we look at it from an outside perspective about this, like, well, the Intel analysts should just share their ideas. It seems so easy and logical. And yet when it's ours, it's very scary. It feels really vulnerable. So how do you help people identify that barrier and then empower them to make a different choice?
Alani Bankhead (11:46)
So scary.
Yeah.
That's such a great question, Jen. So the first thing that I want to point out is my business's tagline is the thing you think is your greatest weakness is the key to unlocking your greatest power. So when we experience fear, we want to suppress it. We want to run away from it. We want to do anything other than overcome that fear. And being aware of that fear, the science behind it basically is that's your reptilian brain, right? Saying,
We need to keep you safe. And if you make yourself vulnerable by sharing the solution, you could get hurt. Like things could go wrong. So in the child exploitation space or the human trafficking space, the stakes are even higher than let's say a fraud case, right? A white collar crimes case, because if somebody steals money, not a huge deal, it's money. But in the child exploitation space, that imposter syndrome is so rampant because
we're talking about the lives of other people. And when your mission is tied to somebody outside of yourself, where you're called to serve other people, it's gonna get louder in your head because if I work a case on behalf of a survivor of horrific crimes and I lose that case, I not only lose that case, but now I've not gotten justice for that survivor.
maybe a perpetrator continues to perpetrate and commit these heinous crimes. My reputation is going to be sullied, so they're not going to assign me these cases, right? And I always bring it back to the cognitive triangle, right? So it's basic psychological theory that says thoughts lead to emotions, which lead to behaviors. So even though your intention is good, your intention is, I need to be perfect at these cases, right? In order to win them.
But the reality is that perfectionism keeps us from taking action because we're human and we're never going to be perfect. And so when your life purpose is tied to serving your community in some way, your imposter is going to get loud. Now, people I work with, they know that when the imposter comes up, it's actually a good thing because it shows that you're on track to doing something aligned with your life purpose. So
Jen Porter (14:10)
Wow.
Alani Bankhead (14:15)
Rather than getting scared and running away, getting curious is a really great opportunity to unlock a new system for you to show up differently. So as an example, the operations that I did in the Pacific, so there were a total of I think 15 operations over about three years. We arrested almost 100 perpetrators. We recovered more than 25 lives, survivors of abuse. Great.
stats in court, like magic, right? It was wonderful. And what I tell people now is I'm like, well, for three days before every op, I want to throw up. I'm in the fetal position. I don't want to do it. I'm scared, right? Because my imposter is loud in my head because these missions matter. They really matter. And people don't believe me when I tell them that because my track record is so good. But
Jen Porter (15:01)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (15:10)
Every time for three days I'm freaking out. And then when I get curious, I have to laugh at myself because my brain clicks and says, this literally happens every time you have an op. you tell, so we have a safety briefing where we brief everybody what we're doing and the mission and the parameters and stuff. And we always tell them, like, hey, if we don't get any recoveries or arrests, it's okay. It's not a failure. In fact, the goal is to be put out of business. That would be amazing.
Jen Porter (15:21)
you
Yes.
Alani Bankhead (15:39)
So even though I'm doling that advice out, I have a hard time accepting it too, right? Because I'm asking 50 or 100 agents and analysts to come spend their weekends working with us. And so I have to go through a process of like, okay, when else have I been here? Literally every time. And I mean, I'm talking about, I'm trying to convince myself to cancel the operation. I'm like, I'm the boss, I can do this. Nobody can stop me.
Jen Porter (16:04)
Hahaha!
Alani Bankhead (16:09)
And so knowing what that cycle looks like now when I'm there, I'm like, okay, this means I'm on track. What practices do I have to engage in to fill my cup so that I feel encouraged and empowered to do this difficult thing? And so I want to highlight too that of course the definition of courage is it requires fear. So you can't have courage without fear. So a lot of times people think in order to be courageous, I have to be fearless.
but there's no such thing. Yeah, there's no such thing. And so I encourage people to engage in different types of, they're spiritual practices basically, right? So whether it's taking a walk in nature or for me, music is a big part of that. Music has a way of articulating things I'm feeling that I can't articulate myself. So I literally have an operations playlist that I play.
Jen Porter (16:41)
Agreed. Agreed.
And
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (17:06)
and I journal and I'm pouring out all of my fears on paper. And then at some point, it's magical, I can't describe it. I just switch and I start working and I hit flow state. And before I know it, the operation's over and I'm like, how did that, I must have transported, you know? And so this happens every time, everybody has a different cycle. And so with the people I work with, it takes about five to seven iterations of
Jen Porter (17:26)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (17:35)
practicing and debriefing to figure out, when do you get scared? What are the behaviors that you engage in? What are the thoughts? How do we counter them? What tools do you need to fill your cup so you can get into that flow state? And so it's just fun playing with them to figure out what that looks like. And once they understand their imposter cycle, they can harness it to work for them because ultimately, at the core of that inner imposter, even though it's telling you not to take action, it's actually saying,
You're so much more powerful than you realize. And I want to protect you from failure. But once you're able to, like you said earlier, I love that you mentioned that you've befriended your fear. That's a tool that you can use, right? So we can talk to it and figure out why it's there. That's another powerful tool. Yeah, you can dismiss. Sometimes I dismiss mine. Sometimes I'm like, bro, I don't have time for you. Like you got to go, you know? But there's lots of different techniques you can use to overcome that.
Jen Porter (18:08)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It reminds me of, so this quarter for me has been building and launching so many new things. And, and I was talking to my friends and my community. I'm like, launching stuff is hard. Like trying new things is hard. It's, it takes so much courage. And, and I had those feelings of, you know, I want to run, I don't want to do this. I don't want to feel vulnerable. Right. Cause a lot of times when we feel fear, it makes us feel weak.
Alani Bankhead (19:02)
Yes. Right.
Jen Porter (19:03)
We don't want to feel weak,
but it's not weakness. It's just the reality of being human.
Alani Bankhead (19:08)
Yes, yes, I love that you said that because, you know, not having interacted with your community a whole lot, but obviously knowing you and the lioness concept. Lionesses are what I call heart centered world changers. So you're like, there's a David Goggins quote. So for those who don't know David Goggins, he's like a former Navy SEAL, like super hard guy that does like hundred mile marathons and stuff. And he has this amazing quote that says something along the lines of,
Jen Porter (19:23)
Yes.
Alani Bankhead (19:38)
for every hundred soldiers on the battlefield, there are 10 that shouldn't even be there. Like they're not military people, they're terrible. There are 80 who are, there, they're doing okay, they're kind of shooting at the bad guys and whatever. But there's really only the top 10 that complete the mission. And so lionesses are those top 10 heart-centered world changers. And what's actually difficult for a lioness is that you have a vision for what you're building this quarter and it's never been done before.
Jen Porter (19:56)
Mm.
Alani Bankhead (20:09)
and it's hard to create something from nothing first of all. And on top of that, the whole world's like, you're building what? Are you sure about that? Right? But you know intuitively that this needs to get built. And I liken it to, you know, when Steve Jobs created the iPhone. He's like, I'm gonna create the iPhone. And people are like, why do you need a phone in your pocket? Or.
Jen Porter (20:20)
You
Alani Bankhead (20:35)
Henry Ford with the car. They're like, we have horses and buggies. Like, why do we need a car? Now people get it, but visionaries, their struggle is translating the vision and bringing it to life and getting people on board. And so you feel crazy in the process, but you're not crazy. You're just a visionary. Everybody else, those other 90, they have a different role in helping you to create that vision.
Jen Porter (20:38)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (21:01)
So I totally get where you're coming from and that's why it's gonna be phenomenal and super amazing because if you are feeling that fear, it's exactly where you're supposed to be and it matters to you. Because if you didn't care, you wouldn't be scared.
Jen Porter (21:16)
That's right, it's right. Yeah, it points to how much we care. And you're right, Heart-Centered World Changers is literally who I work with and helping them launch their thing, start their business, step into what they're called for. Of course, it's gonna feel so scary and that's why the accountability and the support and the coaching is so important along that journey because we need others to help us. We're not designed to do any of this by ourselves.
Alani Bankhead (21:20)
Yes.
So important.
Yes, yes, and it's more fun to do it in community too.
Jen Porter (21:48)
definitely, definitely. So I'm curious how you got to this place because I entered your life, you know, 2016 or so, and I don't know a whole lot about you prior to that time. So what was your childhood like? Alani as a girl.
Alani Bankhead (22:05)
my gosh.
Yes, Alani is a girl. So I grew up in an army house. My dad was a military policeman and a Latin America foreign area officer. And so I grew up moving around every one to three years and we lived in South America quite a bit. My dad was working embassy duty down there and I always wanted to be in the military. remember, so my dad was,
professor at West Point in New York for a while. And there's this event called Beast. So it's when you're a freshman going into like freshman summer, you have to go through this gauntlet before they accept you into the Corps of Cadets. And there's this, I think it's like a 13 mile ruck march at the end. And so all these cadets are coming back exhausted, sweaty, and the community shows up to cheer them on. So I'm this little girl and I see these people and I'm like,
they tortured themselves and they're writing a blank check to die for something bigger than themselves. Like who are these people and how do I become part of this? Yeah, I mean, cause the idea of like how, like they are so selfless that they would sacrifice so much for these concepts like freedom and liberty and right. And so I always knew I wanted to be in the military. And then my dad got stationed in Columbia, South America.
Jen Porter (23:13)
You wanted to be part of that.
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (23:32)
And this was during Pablo Escobar, like big time drug cartel time period. So seeing the impact of narco trade on the Colombian culture really had an impact on me because it is a beautiful culture. And the idea of like people are getting beheaded and murdered like whole families all over a drug made me mad and I wanted to do something about it. So I ended up joining the Air Force.
I thought I wanted to be an intelligence officer and go do counter drug stuff. I ended up getting HR and I cried ugly snap bubble tears. Like I was like, this is the worst day of my life. And honestly, I loved my time. So I did about four years in HR before I became a special agent in the air force. And at the time that the opportunity came up, I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I thought,
especially gyms were like internal affairs, they were snitches and I didn't want to do that. fate intervened, I ended up getting the job and my very first case was an attempted murder case that turned into a child exploitation case. And when I got the first confession, I was like, hooked. I mean, I get to be a tool for justice to protect the vulnerable. I was like, this is it, this is what I want to do.
Jen Porter (24:49)
Wow.
Alani Bankhead (24:54)
And so I deployed with special operations doing human intelligence operations. So like in the movies, the people with the briefcases full of money and they meet with their informant in secret and they exchange the money for intelligence. used to do that. I used to protect our nation's most classified technologies from terrorists and spies getting access to them. I've deployed a bunch. I was the bodyguard to a senior Pentagon official. So all kinds of crazy stuff that I did, but
The entire 12 years I was on active duty, I was super in my imposter syndrome. I did not feel worthy or qualified for any of the positions. I literally, when they called me about the bodyguard job, I thought it was a mistake. I thought they had the wrong file in front of them, because I'm five foot three, I'm very petite, I'm a woman, and I look very young. So each assignment was a like peeling back of the layers of the fear.
Jen Porter (25:53)
I'm curious, so I'm picturing you, I'm with you in this story and I'm picturing you across those 12 years and was it that no matter how many successes you had, you still felt that imposter syndrome or were those successes helping to build your confidence over time?
Alani Bankhead (26:13)
no matter the success, I always felt the imposter syndrome. And so what I know now is, you know, in the military, especially, we promote based on your potential. So we don't expect you to be 100%. When you get to 70%, we're going to promote you and you'll figure out the other 30%. That's how potential works, right? But nobody told me that. And so I always felt really unqualified. But I was also, it was self-inflicted actually, because
Jen Porter (26:33)
It is.
Alani Bankhead (26:43)
You know, I was getting messages from childhood that I was of less value because I was a female and because I was brown and because I was petite. And so I carried those messages with me. there's a really important interaction I had in college with a professor who told me I was never gonna amount to anything. I would never achieve anything important. I know.
And so I used that as fuel at the time to prove him wrong. But what I didn't realize was that voice followed me for years. Like everything I did, it was like, you're never gonna amount to anything. You're never gonna be good enough.
Jen Porter (27:24)
So you were fighting against that voice for years.
Alani Bankhead (27:26)
I was
constantly fighting against the voice. And then when I got to the Pentagon, so I was the senior bodyguard for the most senior Air Force official with a whole team of bodyguards. Like it was crazy, it was crazy. And when I got there, some of my peers, they were congratulating me. And what I didn't realize was they were like, you know, all the previous generals in our career field were your job. So how does it feel to kind of be in the running potentially to be
a general. And that's when I realized like I was at the top of my game, but I felt completely empty. I felt depleted. I didn't feel like I'd achieved anything and I knew something had to change. So I blew up my career. So I left. Yeah. I left at 12 years active duty, which nobody does.
Jen Porter (28:13)
You did. What?
Right, but was how intentional was that decision? Was that an escape or was it an intentional decision?
Alani Bankhead (28:24)
I think it was both. So there's this biblical character, Abraham, who, for those who aren't familiar with the story, God tells him to get up and go, and he doesn't know where he's going. So at that time, when I had that awareness, I was like, I'm doing something wrong. Like, I don't know what it is, and I don't know how to fix it, but I know that this is not the place for me. So there was that, but also in my conversations with my higher power.
realizing that, okay, I'm being told I need to get up and go. And I knew it was right decision because it was the one night of sleep in my life that I slept like a baby. I've never slept that well ever. So it was confirmation for me to leave. I left. I ended up at IJM with the fabulous Jen Porter. And yeah, and then ever since then, once I realized, it was because I was letting fear dictate my actions rather than love.
Jen Porter (29:05)
Really?
Yeah
Alani Bankhead (29:25)
And then I switched to leading with love rather than leading with fear. I built my business. It's about the freedom to create the solutions I know humanity needs. And that's really, really hard, but it's a different kind of hard than working for someone else.
Jen Porter (29:42)
So on that journey, I'm curious about when you had to be brave because you were facing new things, challenges that really were bigger than you and even bigger than your capability at the time because you're learning and they're hiring you based on potential, which I love, but it's hard. That's a tough journey. What are some of the moments that stand out to you about when you had to be really brave in the midst of all that?
Alani Bankhead (29:53)
Hmm.
So that's such an interesting question because I actually think courage is defined a little bit differently by each individual. So as an example, when people hear my background, they're like, my gosh, you've been shot at and bombed and like you deployed and hunted terrorists and all this crazy stuff. The being shot at and being bombed part is not the scary part to me. So for me, but I think that's because I was built to withstand that.
Jen Porter (30:31)
for you.
Okay.
Alani Bankhead (30:38)
The scary part for me was in putting my very best gift forward and hoping that it would provide the solutions that we needed. So it was scary to show up for every one of my active duty assignments because I didn't feel worthy of them. I didn't feel worthy of the leadership opportunities I was given. I did a scary thing when I left active duty.
Right. And I was like, I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere. It building a business and building a life that is outside of the traditional nine to five. I need courage every day to do that. Having the courage to be rejected a million and two times and show up again the next day. So it's, it's just a different kind of courage. And I always tell people like,
I'm built to handle things that you maybe would struggle with. And as an example, I have a really good friend. She used to own a bakery. So she worked in a bank for a long time. And then she was like, I'm just going to buy a bakery. And we were at brunch not that long ago. And I'm like, on what planet would you buy a bakery? That sounds so terrifying to me. And she's like, it's not that hard. You go to the bank, you get a loan. And I'm like, no.
Jen Porter (31:56)
You
Alani Bankhead (32:05)
would much rather go to Iraq and go fight al Qaeda than I would owning a bakery. But it's just a beautiful opportunity to connect over my courage looks different than your courage, but we're called to different things.
Jen Porter (32:19)
You know what I've
noticed about myself? I used to be scared of a lot more. God has increased my capacity in the last particularly year, year and a half. I can hold things. can navigate things. can, you know, when I say hold things, the truth,
I can hold truth in a different way. I can understand what's happening in our world in a braver way because before I just didn't want to like, it's too scary. Even, you know, I actually said no the first time that I jam reached out to me because I was, I thought it would take me out. thought, I thought the darkness of it would overcome me because I feel so deeply and I
I don't like darkness. I don't like evil. It was very scary to me and God did the work in me to prepare me so that then I was like, I see that this is what I need to step into next. And so then I was there for several years and I'm so thankful I grew a ton there. But even since, I have a different kind of courage and confidence. So in other words, what I'm saying is,
what might feel scary to us at one season of our life, we can actually evolve and hold more and face more the more brave things we do.
Alani Bankhead (33:57)
my gosh, 1000%. So there's a couple of things that you mentioned there that I want to reflect back because they're so good. So first is you actually use the word darkness, right? You were like, I thought the darkness would just kind of overwhelm me. And I remember when you were leaving IJM, I'd sent you a note and like we didn't really interact a ton at IJM, right? Cause everybody's really busy.
But I remember sending you note saying like, you are like literal light walking through the hallway. Like every time I would see you, it'd just be like, Jen, like light beaming from your face. And you were always such a joy to be around. And one of the things I talk to my clients about is the physics of light. Because we know that darkness physically can never overcome light, first of all, right? But when you are the light, so when you're the,
Jen Porter (34:46)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (34:50)
the lioness heart centered world changer, you're emanating this light, but all you see is the darkness around you. You don't see the light that you're giving off. So it's easy to feel like you're overwhelmed by darkness because you're the light, right? But once we, know, that's part of where coaching and group, you know, coaching is so powerful because other people can just hold the mirror up so you can see your light.
Jen Porter (35:08)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (35:20)
and how powerful it is, right? So that's the first thing that you reminded me of. But also, you know, it's interesting because I had no idea you were experiencing that. You know, obviously I didn't know you before you got hired. But everybody walks around comparing their insides with everybody else's outsides. So like I appear confident on paper, I look powerful and whatever.
Jen Porter (35:21)
true.
Hmm.
Alani Bankhead (35:48)
But the reality was that for many, many years, I felt completely unqualified and unworthy of doing the things that I did. And with being able to hold fear without being controlled by it, that is the desired end state, right? So we are human, we are going to experience fear. It's inevitable, you're human. But what you're talking about is being controlled by it versus observing it.
knowing that it's there and still being able to do the work that you do. And that's the bulk of the work that we do, of course, is once you can uncover the subconscious thought that's creating the fear, now you're filled with love and joy for the work that you do and you can, you're gonna have a different behavioral output.
Jen Porter (36:38)
Yeah, wow. I'm thinking about light now. Light and darkness and the power of light. You're right, when light shines in, the darkness flees. It can't coexist.
Alani Bankhead (36:53)
literally cannot. So, and that brings me comfort in moments when I'm scared, I'm like, all right, I forget that I'm the light, right? Like, like this is, and it's funny because, I mean, I still experience these cycles. Again, now I know that, I'm growing into my next thing. Like, this is what I'm supposed to be experiencing, right? But I can observe it, not let it dictate my behaviors and have fun with it. And that's another thing with your community is,
I always tell lioness type folk that the universe is conspiring in your favor at all times. Like whether you're gonna get dragged by the universe into your magnificent destiny or whether you go willingly is your choice, right? And you do have to have a mindset to overcome, you to get to there. but...
Jen Porter (37:31)
Yes.
Alani Bankhead (37:48)
laugh at myself now because I see my ridiculousness when I have my fear and I'm like all dramatic I'm like why would this happen like this is terrible and then I'm like my gosh Alani you're being ridiculous like and I just it's funny now you know but yeah
Jen Porter (37:55)
Right?
Yeah, yeah.
So you talked about the mirror reflecting and I have seen even in the last few months, more than ever, I'm realizing that we need to have others in our lives to be that mirror for us to see ourselves. And I've noticed it more with this lioness community because I've learned that women need to be invited.
into an experience or into an identity because they don't see themselves. mean, we talk, I'm sure you do too, talk to the most amazing, badass, remarkable women who do not realize it. They do not know how incredible they are. And it's not that we're, should be boastful at all, but there's, it's not even just humility. It's, don't see myself clearly and we need one another.
Alani Bankhead (38:52)
Yes. Yes.
Jen Porter (38:56)
to help us. So with this Lioness, so I did this Lioness nominations and I'm still taking some nominations for the book project and for the podcast. Women are not going to self nominate themselves. So what we see are we like, I can see your brilliance. And so I can nominate you. And then you're like, it's like when you got a leadership role, you're like, I don't think I'm qualified for that. And you're like, and here are all the reasons why you are.
Alani Bankhead (39:10)
Never.
Yes.
Jen Porter (39:26)
and we need that from other people.
Alani Bankhead (39:29)
that is such a good point. So when we talk about humble leadership, the reality is that the most humble best leaders don't want to be leaders because they see how much work and struggle there's gonna be in it. But then we end up with leaders that might be a little narcissistic, a little ego-driven, and we've all experienced that in our workplaces.
And that just goes to illustrate your point that if you feel unqualified, it means you're qualified. All right? So yeah, a lot of the time, right? And so that's one element. But the other thing too is, so there's this really interesting paradox in terms of what your imposter syndrome tells you and your life purpose. So life purpose, know, a lot of people don't spend time thinking through what's your life purpose.
Jen Porter (40:05)
A lot of the time.
Alani Bankhead (40:28)
There are resources out there. I have one on my website where you can get down to it. it's like, know, mine is ridding the world of fear. I have other clients that might be ridding the world of loneliness or something else, right? But when it comes to that life purpose, so it's interesting that I experienced excruciating self-doubt and fear. And my mission is ridding the world of fear.
Jen Porter (40:57)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (40:58)
And so part of that is, I believe, by design, because when you experience it at the worst possible level, you can not only sympathize with people, but you have a roadmap to get other people out. And so, again, with people trying to suppress those worst parts of themselves, my clients learn how to put that front and center, because that's gonna be the thing that connects with other people. And to your point with the lionesses,
Jen Porter (41:12)
Totally.
Alani Bankhead (41:27)
That's when you can point to someone else and say, I see you because I've been there too. And so it's very interesting because the tools that we use, lionesses are get shit done people, right? That's what I call them. Like you are the queen of the to-do list. Like you will crush anybody's mission. But it's funny because when I ask lionesses,
Jen Porter (41:32)
Exactly.
Alani Bankhead (41:52)
have you ever failed at a mission like at work or anywhere else? And they're like, no, never. I'm like, then why do you think you would fail at yours? Right? And then they're like, I feel attacked, you know? But our tools to achieve our missions are not checklists. It's faith, because you're creating something that the world has never seen before. It's community, it's connection, learning how to align yourself with yourself, and then being able to connect with other people.
Jen Porter (42:13)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (42:22)
Learning how to receive support is one of the hardest things we will ever do. Like even my, I'm doing a joyful money club group coaching program right now. Every single one of them, I'm like, if a million dollars dropped in your lap right now, you'd be like, no, I can't, I can't accept this. I didn't earn it. Right. Or you'd like squander it because you don't think you're a good enough steward of it, but you would find some way to reject this beautiful gift.
because you don't think you're worthy.
Jen Porter (42:53)
Right. It's, like the identity doesn't line up with abundance yet. Yet. that's the work you do.
Alani Bankhead (42:57)
Yes. Yes, exactly. Yet.
Exactly. But to your point, as soon as you start to do that internal work and realize like, what is my purpose and what are my fear blocks and how do those point me to the work I'm supposed to be doing? And what is the evidence I have that I will be successful? Literally every other thing I've ever done. Right. But then we also need help. Like when you're in victim mode,
Jen Porter (43:20)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (43:25)
The advantage of that is asking and receiving help. So sometimes I have to call my friends and be like, I'm eating Oreos and I'm feeling sad and pathetic and I don't think I can do this. And they give me a 20 minute pep talk and I'm like, okay, like I could do this, right? But if you don't have the courage to do that, you're gonna sit in your own suffering for longer.
Jen Porter (43:39)
Keep going.
And if you don't have the people around you already, can't build, it's very hard to build a community when you're in the place of victimhood and you're isolated.
Alani Bankhead (43:50)
Yes.
100%. But at the end of the day, because lionesses are service oriented, it's all about everybody else and not about them, creating a win-win, right? So finding that community where they want you to win as much as you want them to win. So magic. So magic.
Jen Porter (44:11)
Yes, yes, that is power. It is.
You you talked about purpose and it's, we end up giving out of the places where we didn't have what we needed, right? We've been on the journey and so now we want to help other people with that same journey. I, you know, some of, sometimes it'll, it'll strike me.
Alani Bankhead (44:28)
Yes.
Jen Porter (44:33)
where I'm like, the reason I'm so passionate about empowering other people, like I'll say, I'll try to empower you even if you don't want to be empowered. Like I'm always trying to empower everybody around me is because I know what it feels like to feel powerless. And I believe it's the worst, one of the worst feelings in the world. And so to, and to empower, and then this, whole strength thing, like I help, I help women be brave. I help women be strong. Why is that?
Alani Bankhead (44:51)
Yes, it is awful.
Jen Porter (45:01)
because I needed, I wish somebody had helped me be strong. I wish somebody had roared for me, right? And so now I'm roaring for others.
Alani Bankhead (45:08)
Yes, my gosh, 100%.
Yes, yes, I love that. And I call it more of like, when I have people on my podcast, I'll be like, let me brag on you, right? You don't need to talk about what you do, I will brag on you. Because it is uncomfortable, even for me today, it's uncomfortable for me to sit here and be like, I've done all kinds of like crazy, amazing things, right? Because that's not the point. The point is to be of service in whatever way you want.
Jen Porter (45:33)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (45:40)
But on the flip side, one of the things that you're sort of alluding to also is the success that we have is an intangible in a lot of ways. So the impact we have reverberates in ways we don't see. And we often don't have physical evidence that we are making an impact. And so it's interesting because almost 10 years later since we met, I still remember sending you that email where I was like,
Jen Porter (45:49)
Mm.
Alani Bankhead (46:07)
I heard you're leaving and you're light in the hallway and I'm gonna miss you, right? But it actually took a lot of courage for me to send that email because I know now it's not really practice in our society to tell people like, hey, you had a really big impact on me, you know? And there's a Ted talk called Everyday Leadership by Drew Dudley where he talks about this. He's like, how many of you,
like it when you receive compliments and everybody raises their hand, and how many of you have actually given a compliment to the person who impacted you the most? And it was like a fraction of the people. And so to your point, as lionesses, I view one of the biggest parts of my job is when somebody does impact me saying, hey, I want you to know like you've changed my life in this way. And it feels uncomfortable, which is weird, because I'm like, why? I love telling people how amazing they are. But it's because you have to admit your own deficiency, right?
Jen Porter (46:41)
Yeah.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (47:04)
But that's what keeps the world improving is our courage in pointing to another woman and saying, you're incredible. And here's what I see. Yeah.
Jen Porter (47:15)
Here's how I see you.
It changes us when we hear those words. So what are you doing when you're roaring?
Alani Bankhead (47:20)
It really does. Yes. Yes.
I'm probably throwing up. It's so bad. So yeah, now when I roar, I definitely still feel the fear. I actually, you know, like the power poses, right? Like I've done that. I have pictures of that before operations. So I have a police canine named Lulu. We did the TED talk that you mentioned and I have pictures of her and I doing power posing in front of the mirror.
Jen Porter (47:41)
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Alani Bankhead (47:56)
Cause I'm like, okay, we're gonna go do an op. Like it's gonna be okay. We're gonna be fine. But now honestly, because I've been doing this for so long, I just have so much joy in the process. So on active duty, I mean, this is where I was raised, right? This is where all of my imposter syndrome came up when I was younger. And now the roaring for me looks more like how do I show up every day and show these people that I love them?
and that I'm here to support them and not judge them, right? Because back in the day, part of the imposter syndrome was I was judging them just as much as I thought they were judging me, because it was a protection mechanism. And so I had to let my armor down and say, I'm here just to love you. Like, what do you need and how can I support you? And it's been such a game changer. I show up to work and it's fun. I had to call people a lot. I was in the dentist chair yesterday.
Jen Porter (48:29)
Wow.
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (48:56)
in a worldwide meeting where I was like, we need to have a come to Jesus about some things that are happening. Never would have had that conversation 15, 20 years ago. it was coming from such a place of love of I see your potential and I'm not gonna settle for anything less than what you're fully capable of doing. And it's funny because I kind of look at myself now like I'm like, who are you? Because it doesn't even take work to do it anymore because
Jen Porter (49:04)
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (49:25)
the love that I have for the people and for the mission, it just requires that you have hard conversations. And if they wanna take it a certain way, that's fine. But surprisingly, I get notes. Like I got a really nice note this morning from somebody who was like, you really empower me and I feel so thankful that your presence makes me be better at the job. And I'm like, that's so nice. know? Yeah.
Jen Porter (49:49)
I love that. I love that because you're
talking about leading with love. when you so and you said love requires real conversations, truthful conversations, which are really uncomfortable. But I love that you got the positive affirmation back from it to show that yes, that was the right thing because that builds our confidence too. And allows us to say the hard thing again next time, because we had a positive outcome.
Alani Bankhead (50:11)
Yes.
Yes, and I am honestly, it was magical for me because I finally let go of the external validation that I needed, right? When I was in my imposter syndrome and to let go of the outcome and then have this beautiful gift come to me in the form of this really nice note is just such a delight. And, know, along those lines, you reminded me of something that I know your lionesses need to hear, which is having hard conversations and doing it from a place of love.
Jen Porter (50:25)
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (50:46)
is one of the most important things we can do. And that same conversation I have with so many other lionesses is you are trying to obtain your value from doing things and from achieving things, but the truth is you're valuable because you exist. And as soon as you can accept that, your power is gonna grow exponentially, your impact, your joy, the thriving.
Jen Porter (51:02)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (51:14)
And of course it's hard when you're breaking out of that imposter cycle to believe that like, wait, I don't actually have to do anything to receive love and respect as a human. what a concept. But to your point, truth is truth. And I'm telling you this hard truth that until you can accept yourself as you are, the powerful person you are, you're never gonna have the impact that you want.
Jen Porter (51:25)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (51:41)
And that's the hardest work we'll do, is seeing our value.
Jen Porter (51:45)
Yeah, that is, I call it identity that we have to understand our core identity in order to, that's always the foundation of the work. We have to understand who are we apart from what we're doing. And there's so much people pleasing that holds us back. So what advice would you have for women and girls who want to step into their purpose?
Alani Bankhead (52:00)
Yes.
so much.
Jen Porter (52:14)
You know, so many of us, we have a dream or dreams inside of us. We don't spend a lot of time acknowledging them because they might feel impossible or even childish sometimes, but they're there. And so the women that are starting to, or even girls that are starting to tap into, think I know what I'm made for. It's not what I'm doing right now. What advice would you have for them in being brave and following their path?
Alani Bankhead (52:41)
That's such a good question. I think first I would encourage them to lead with curiosity, right? Especially if you don't know because especially if you're a recovering perfectionist and someone who has imposter syndrome or self doubt, you're going to be frustrated that you don't already have the answer. So leading with curiosity and I always tell folks in that space first, who are you inspired by?
Jen Porter (52:52)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (53:09)
and then take time to reflect on what is it about that person that inspires me? And that's gonna give you the clue on the path that you need to take. And same thing happens, mean, envy is really powerful too. I'm not a jealous or envious person. It does pop up every once in a while, but rather than feeling shame, I'm like, okay, clearly that person has something I want. Like, what is it that they want and how do I create that for myself? Right? So that curiosity in,
identifying what resonates because that's going to inform what your path should be. But then also, if you can link up with somebody who's five minutes ahead of you, right? So that community that you mentioned of like-minded people, they're going to reflect back to you. They're going to hold your hand on the journey. So something we talk about in Joyful Money Club is it's probably about 30 % of the people that sign up have never looked at their credit score because they're scared.
Jen Porter (54:09)
Hmm
Alani Bankhead (54:09)
And so I'm like, honey, easy. Have a party, send out digital invites to your girlfriends, have them bring over some wine, whatever your favorite treat is. Have some balloons and either you can open up Experian or they can do it for you, right? But, know, it's less scary when you're doing it in community and you get to create the rules for your life. So who do you want to play the game of life with?
Jen Porter (54:25)
You
Yes.
Alani Bankhead (54:39)
Ask them to come on board. People want to support you. And it's hard to receive that, right? And people report back, they're like, my gosh, that was so much fun. My credit score is terrible, right? But they're like, but now knowing the number makes me less scared because I have a starting point, right? And now I know the tools to get a better credit score, but overcoming that first awareness barrier is the hardest thing. So why not have a party and bring people, make it fun?
Jen Porter (54:43)
Yeah.
Make it fun.
Alani Bankhead (55:10)
So yeah, I mean those are the biggest things. I would say curiosity, like decide how you wanna play the game and invite people to play it with you.
Jen Porter (55:19)
Yeah. So what's next for you? What do you, what's your vision for the next season?
Alani Bankhead (55:26)
Man, so we're living in kind of a crazy time right now politically and globally. But so my year, the next two years are very unknown right now, but I'm launching my course this year, my virtual course, which I'm so excited about. And just serving my country is, you know, after the course of my.
First quarter is all about getting this infrastructure up and running. And just seeing the amazing clients that spontaneously pop up, it's just a pure joy, the people that I get to work with. And so I'm honestly totally in flow state. I do plan a little bit strategically, but the day to day, God just surprises me with what's on my agenda. And it's so much fun.
Jen Porter (56:14)
you
What is the course?
Alani Bankhead (56:19)
It is an imposter syndrome virtual course. especially now with the economy being pretty rough for folks, it's important for coaching to be of value to the person, right? So if it's pro bono, we know that you're not going to value it as much because you haven't contributed or invested in yourself. But I understand people might not be able to afford the top tier programs that I offer. So having a virtual course that's more affordable, that provides group coaching once a week.
Jen Porter (56:47)
Yeah.
Alani Bankhead (56:49)
is my next thing. So while people have time, because of course, high achievers are very, very busy people. But just being able to engage when and where you need it. I'm so, so, I like pinching myself. I can't believe I'm doing a course. But yeah, just serving my country. It's wild being a Colonel, like I'm old. Like what?
And it's crazy when I say like, I'm rewriting counterintelligence policy on how we fight wars, like, what? But it's just, it's super, super fun. So that's what I'm looking forward to.
Jen Porter (57:19)
Yeah.
And if people want to connect with you, get involved in your group programs, your course, just learn more about what it is that you're offering. How do they find you?
Alani Bankhead (57:33)
Peace.
Yes, my website is www.mightysparrowcoaching.com and you can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram. LinkedIn under my name Alani Bankhead. I love, love, love my LinkedIn community. It is the most fun. And yeah, just shoot me a note, go to the website, you can register and we look forward to connecting with you.
Jen Porter (57:58)
I'm gonna put your Ted Talk in the show notes as well. People should absolutely check out your canine with Lulu fighting against child sex abuse is incredible. my gosh, you have to check out the TEDx talk. It's so good. Elani, thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your energy, your beautiful life, and just the bravery that you've shown over the years. I know it's been really inspiring.
Alani Bankhead (58:11)
She's the best. She's the best.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Jen Porter (58:29)
So until the next episode, the lioness in me sees the lioness in you.
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