Lioness Women: Rooted in Christ

Jen Porter (00:00)
Hey friends, welcome to the show, Lioness Women, Rooted in Christ. I'm your host, Jen Porter, leadership and career coach for ambitious and heart-centered women who want to put God at the center of everything that we do. This is a space for women who know we've been given only one life, and we want to live it fully, courageously, and with deep intention. This is a space where strength is shared and courage is found.

If you're a woman of faith, you're in the right place. And even if you're not, I want to invite you to stay because in every conversation there is wisdom to take hold of, clarity to lean into, and courage for the life you are living and the woman you are becoming. You're welcome here. It is my honor to introduce our next guest, Lindsay Harwell. Lindsay brings nearly two decades of experience in human resources.

where she has built a reputation for not only solving complex business challenges, but for unlocking the potential of the people within them. She leads with both insight and heart, helping individuals step into their best while guiding organizations towards stronger, more human centered outcomes. Outside of her professional life, Lindsay is deeply rooted in what matters most. She's a devoted mom to two teenagers who are the center of her world.

a proud dog mom to three, and she recently celebrated 20 years of marriage, a reflection of her commitment, strength, and enduring love. Originally from Southern California and now based in Austin, Texas, Lindsay's life and leadership are grounded in a lifelong faith that shapes how she shows up with steadiness, compassion, and purpose. Lindsay, welcome to the show.

Lindsay Harwell (01:57)
Thank you so much. I'm really excited to be here with you.

Jen Porter (02:01)
I'm thrilled to have this conversation with you. Our dear friend, Mandy Hong Coop introduced us and, ⁓ I was on your podcast and I said, we have to continue this dialogue. I need you to come on my podcast and, share. tell us, I want to start with reclaimed, which is the name of the podcast that you are launching. And I'd love to just start our conversation with where that came from.

Lindsay Harwell (02:15)
Yes.

Jen Porter (02:29)
Where did this passion to start a podcast come from and the topic that you chose?

Lindsay Harwell (02:36)
Yeah, thank you. I'm very excited about this. It's very new. But where it came from is for about three years now, it's just been something that's been on my heart. I think navigating corporate life and corporate world and as I was evolving and changing, my kids were kind of getting older and I was starting to think about, you know, what's next for me?

but it also felt like there were spaces within kind of the corporate environment where things just kind of were not being discussed or talked about with women. And so it just kind of became this burden on my heart to create something that was a safe space, a place where we could talk about the things that maybe at work we weren't talking about, but we were talking about with our girlfriends or behind closed doors or the questions that we had that we were afraid to ask.

⁓ So things that relate to just where do we go next? Maybe we've built to a level in our career and we're thinking, okay, is this what I want? Do I want to do something different? Do I want to pivot? ⁓ My kids are maybe older now and I'm finding that I have more time and more capacity to think about things that I want to do. Or maybe going back to...

what are the things I really enjoyed earlier in life that I've kind of put aside because I had responsibilities and just things that were in place that I had to do. And again, now that I'm in this phase of life, I can pull those back out and reevaluate them and get excited about something again. it ⁓ really was just, like I said, this burden on my heart. It wouldn't go away, which is how I know it was from the Lord because

Jen Porter (04:17)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Harwell (04:21)
as much as I tried to push it away out of maybe fear or I'm not qualified, I'm not, who's gonna wanna listen to me? Like those are all the things that were going through my mind, but it just kept sitting there in my heart. And so ⁓ this year was the year that I finally said, I'm gonna do it no matter what. And I've approached it very open-handed, meaning I have no expectation this isn't an adventure on

career progression. This is really an adventure on being obedient and listening to what I feel like the Lord is calling me to do next and step into. So ⁓ that's how I got here and I'm very excited. It's launching and I'm starting to see it come to life. It's very exciting.

Jen Porter (05:08)
I can't wait to hear all of the episodes. So do you recall the moment where you committed to it? Because it had been sort of brewing for a while and it sounds like you were even trying to push it down a little bit, like, and give some excuses as to why not you, know, why, why you shouldn't do it. And it sounds like there was a moment that shifted for you. Do you recall what that moment was?

Lindsay Harwell (05:26)
you

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know if it was a specific moment per se, but I'll kind of take you back a little bit to answer your question, which is about two and a half, three years ago, there was just a major life change event that happened. So there was a big, I would say altering event that happened kind of in my family. And what it caused me to do, I think,

Jen Porter (06:00)
Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (06:07)
when those things happen, you either run to the Lord or you can run away from him when those big things happen. It's the why me, it's how could this be happening? All of those questions and doubts come into play. ⁓ And as I was walking through that, my intentionality in walking through that was no matter what, I wanted to walk out of that situation okay, regardless of circumstances.

Jen Porter (06:35)
Mmm.

Lindsay Harwell (06:35)
⁓

and so I did a lot of therapy, a lot of things to really dig into making sure that I was okay and, that I wasn't my happiness or how I was seeing the day wasn't dependent upon a circumstance or a person or anything like that. And so I think approaching my healing journey in that way really changed my perspective in

what I was gonna do to heal and how I wanted to make sure that I was intentional about that. And so I would say, you know, a couple of years into that journey, a couple of things that I did, I did an amazing program. I just completed it at UT, their extension program called Women Who Mean Business. And I think being around other women in similar life stages that are also ambitious and kind of thinking about what they wanna do next.

It just really gave me the space to sit back and reflect and pause and make intentional choices about what I wanted to do next. But also, ⁓ was, I think I was recovering as I was kind of recovering and healing. It was also this sort of people pleasing recovery that I was doing. And I just was no longer willing to ask permission. ⁓ And so I think those moments helped me.

Jen Porter (07:54)
Okay.

Lindsay Harwell (08:03)
really be clear about, I don't know where this is gonna end up and it's okay, I don't need to have an end state. My goal was to start and my goal is to say, it's scary putting myself out there doing these things, but I am unwilling, I got to a place where I am unwilling to ask permission, I'm unwilling to worry about how what I say through this platform might impact someone else because

what I saw was the opportunity for positive impact greater than that opportunity of like, is it gonna turn someone off? Is it gonna hurt someone's feeling? Like I just didn't wanna entertain that anymore. So I don't know if that directly answers your question, but that's sort of how I got to that place of like, I'm doing this, you no matter what.

Jen Porter (08:42)
Right.

Yeah.

So many things are coming up in my mind that I want to ask you all at once. So I'm going to have to parse out these questions. First of all, the idea of permission really strikes me in a new way as I hear you talk. It occurred to me, who would you even ask permission to anyway?

Lindsay Harwell (08:54)
Yes.

Yeah,

well, I think I lived because I was a people pleaser. that's kind of where I found myself pausing a lot in life and not making decisions, to be honest with you, because I was afraid. I was afraid of what would someone think? What would the outcome be? Would I make a mistake? Would I screw up? All of these things would always go through my mind. And so I...

Jen Porter (09:16)
Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (09:37)
even reflecting on this concept of asking permission, it's not so much going to someone and saying, can I do this? It's more about, ⁓

making space for myself in my life. So not waiting on my husband to be like, hey, I have you have time now please go do this thing or my kids to be like, mom, we don't really need you go do your thing. Waiting on that to happen. Rather than doing that, I was like, I'm going to go do this and I'm going to create the space. And I will tell you it's it's been interesting like trying to juggle the things.

Jen Porter (10:00)
Yeah.

You

Lindsay Harwell (10:17)
And I'm finding myself working, like yesterday I was working on the podcast most of the day, it was a Sunday afternoon, but ⁓ gosh, it brings me such joy. And I love the fact that my kids are watching me do something like this and build it and do it unafraid, because I think that's a bigger lesson for them than mom is just always available for me 24 seven. And I'm kind of just sitting here waiting on them to call upon me.

Jen Porter (10:17)
Yeah.

Such a shift.

Lindsay Harwell (10:48)
Yeah. Yeah.

Jen Porter (10:51)
The other thing that struck me is, me go back to permission, because this is actually a really, really important point. What I find is that permission is very elusive. We think about it as something tangible, but it's actually this very vague thing that we're waiting for. It's kind of like waiting for somebody to knight you and give you like, now you are ready, you know, and it just doesn't happen that way, as opposed to seizing the opportunity.

Lindsay Harwell (11:13)
Yes, yes.

Jen Porter (11:20)
what I find is that the permission we actually need, we can give ourselves. It's not someone else that we're actually waiting for. It's ourselves. And when we don't follow through with what we feel like we're called to, it is a form of abandoning ourselves. And the more we do that, the more we can lose ourselves.

Lindsay Harwell (11:41)
Yeah, absolutely.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I think that's part of this is like, you know, when you, when I look back over say the last 20 years and I think about, you know, I got married and then I was trying to build my career and then I started having babies and that's a whole nother set of, you know, I mean, that's constant, right?

Jen Porter (11:48)
And

Lindsay Harwell (12:06)
⁓ You don't have a choice. You have to take care of these babies. And I didn't want, by the way, I didn't want another choice. Like I love being a mother. ⁓ But you get caught up in just all the things that are your responsibilities all day long. And I do think you lose a part of yourself. And I think that's what women quite often find is they get to this stage of life. Like your kids are launching, your kids are ready to go to college or this empty nest type ⁓ conversation that we have.

and you've spent so much time investing in other people and you've forgotten about yourself. And I don't mean it in a selfish way, but I mean it in a way where even things like as you worship, even as you talk to the Lord, like all of those things, you can do that in a way that honors who you are and taps into like the dreams that you have too. And so I just, I was over-functioning.

I was doing all the things for all the people and some of it was out of necessity. Some of it was out of my own thought. Like you said, like I just think I have to do all of these things. A lot of it was out of fear. Like if I stopped doing this, what happens? my gosh. Well, the reality is probably nothing. Like I'm not gonna stop doing the things that keep people alive, right? So, ⁓ but I think all of those things play into this.

wheel that we get on as women. And I think trying to figure out what's the exit route is really scary and hard.

Jen Porter (13:33)
Yeah.

How do you discern the difference between what has to be done to use your words of keeping people alive, which really we're not even doing that, right? But the very basics, right? We have to feed your kids. You have to make sure that they're safe. You have to make sure that they're involved in things that are going to allow them to flourish, all those things. But how do you discern between what has to be done and is yours to do?

Lindsay Harwell (13:54)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Jen Porter (14:10)
what might you start to at least consider letting go of? Because I think that's where a lot of us women get hung up is we can't quite imagine letting go of some of these things because we've always done it and what will happen, you know, feels like, even though it's not true, it feels like the world might fall apart or at least our little world might fall apart. Can you give us some tips of how to start to discern those things?

Lindsay Harwell (14:29)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, let me start by saying I'm still working on it every day. So I don't want this to come through as like, I've got, I've got all the magic and I've got it figured out. ⁓ but I think just going back to something you said about knowing yourself, I don't think you can properly prioritize if you don't take the time to get to know you. And what I mean by that is when you take time to really stop and think about

Jen Porter (14:43)
You

Lindsay Harwell (15:04)
What do I want my life to look like? What is most important to me? My values? ⁓ What are non-negotiables for me every day?

And then you kind of have to work backwards from there, right? So for example, for me, I'm thinking about, my daughter is gonna be a senior next year, she's gonna be going off to college. As I think about what I want for my career, what I want for my family, like I've really sat and thought about five or 10 years down the line, what do I want things to look like?

I've thought about already, like, she's gonna go to college and then she's probably gonna wanna get married and then she's gonna have babies. Like, when I'm in that phase of life, what do I want to have done today that gets me set up for how I want my life to be at that point in time? And what that means is I've really had to wrestle with, I've always been very ambitious, you I wanna grow my career and I've had this idea of what I wanna be when I grow up.

But I've also had to take a step back and reevaluate that to say, what's realistic? What do I have energy for? Am I doing that because I think it's going to prove something? Or am I doing that because it's what I want? And I think those are the types of questions you have to really ask yourself, especially if you're a people pleaser like me, or you think that your worth is somehow tied to your title or what you do with your career.

which I've battled that a lot and I've had to try to separate and pull those things apart as I really think about what is it that I'm gonna spend my time on. So I don't know what else, I mean there's no like prescription, right? But I think those are the things that I've dug into.

Jen Porter (16:53)
I wanna sh-

⁓ what you shared is

what you shared is gold. What I hear in that is to differentiate between what is ⁓ my desire, what is good and pure and lovely and beneficial to the world, tied to a contribution, not just selfish ambition. So what is good? What are my desires? What do I feel called to? And where might my ego be showing up?

And I think that's a huge differentiation. Is this about how people are going to think of me? Is this because I want a certain amount of money or title or, you know, how I'm defining success? And it makes me think about one of one of my favorite kinds of clients to work with is those who are waking up to their, quote, second half of life. And it's a lot of times that is women who are launching their babies, their

Lindsay Harwell (17:26)
Yes.

Jen Porter (17:55)
going to be empty nesters soon or they already are. And they actually have a different space and different capacity to start to think about what, like you talked about those dreams that you've had that have a chance to reemerge now. And now you get to do something with those dreams. It reminds me of the work of Richard Rohr, who has talked a lot about and written a lot about the first and second half of life. It doesn't have to do with age. It has to do with awakening.

Lindsay Harwell (18:25)
Mm-hmm.

Jen Porter (18:25)
and

where the first half of life is really rooted in our ego. And a lot of us women and girls are doing what we thought was expected of us. We're just taking that path without like, for me, I didn't even consider an alternative. Just like these are the steps that my life is gonna take. And then there's a point, at least in my life, when I woke up and I woke up to...

Lindsay Harwell (18:31)
Thank

Jen Porter (18:53)
⁓ something greater than myself. And I started making decisions that were rooted in not just what I wanted, but who God created me to be and what is the purpose of my life. And so I think there is a shift that can happen for women and for men, obviously. And it's a different way of being and a different way of ⁓ thinking about how life and

Lindsay Harwell (19:09)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jen Porter (19:22)
What is our participation in this life gonna be?

Lindsay Harwell (19:25)
Yeah, I think the other piece of it is, you know, depending on sort of your mindset, your worldview. You know, I've I've done some things over the last few years. I I help lead a women's Bible study every week, which has been amazing. ⁓

and you know probably as much as you lead and maybe you think you're making an impact, it's usually you that's receiving the most impact in those situations, right? And so it's given me an opportunity as well to, done some things, I've been volunteering and doing some things at church. And I think it's just reopened my eyes to.

all the things that I thought I needed to do here on earth, like the title or the job. And again, don't get me wrong, I'm still ambitious. Like I still have goals and things I want to achieve. But also tempering that with like kingdom mindset and thinking about my kids. am I pouring into my kids in a way that I'm pointing them to Jesus or am I pouring into them in a way where I'm pointing them to the world? Or like the...

where I'm spending my time and investing my time is that time that I'm preparing my heart and myself.

eternity or am I preparing myself for the next job title? And so that I think also can create a lot of tension in terms of reevaluating where you're spending your time, how you're spending your time. And again, I just want to caveat with like, I'm still figuring it all out. I'll give you an example. This morning I set my alarm at 4am and I hit snooze for an hour. So ⁓ just, know,

Jen Porter (20:48)
Hmm.

Lindsay Harwell (21:11)
Not every day is perfect, but that's that's the that is the tension I'm in right now in terms of as I think about where I'm spending my time It's not that I'm putting something away, but I'm trying to think about how do I create fullness in a way that? Directionally points me

to like more of a kingdom eternity mindset versus dress here on earth. I, so I think you're like, what is your end goal type of thing? Like, where do you wanna end up? Like that really plays into how you're gonna prioritize, how you're gonna spend your time. I was not someone, you know, when my babies were little, I remember with my daughter specifically, she's my first born, I would come home from work and hold her and rock her and.

cry just for like hours. And it's because I wanted to be with her and I missed her. And I look back on that time and I actually think it was like trauma. There was some trauma there in terms of being separated from her and having to work. I didn't have the choice of whether I was going to be able to stay home. I had to work. And ⁓ you know, I have spent 17 years of raising her, ensuring that she knows like her mom is there.

you know, she can come to me and building that relationship because of that ache I had that I wasn't with her and I had to go to work. I wanted to make sure my kids had that sense of like, I know where home is. I know I'm loved, even if I have to go to school every day or have to go to daycare every day. And so I think all of those things as I'm sort of looking back and reflecting those play into how I'm gonna proceed forward.

Jen Porter (22:49)
Yeah.

Wow.

I think you mentioned something about values that struck me too. And it's the foundation of the work that I do with any client, because if we don't know what we care about most, we don't understand why we're behaving the way that we do. And so our values are going to drive our behaviors, whether we're conscious of that or not. And I tell this story often, but I was in a workshop and the facilitator asked us what we needed more of. What do we need?

Lindsay Harwell (23:16)
Mm-hmm.

Jen Porter (23:31)
And I wrote on my little paper, to be brave. And I held it up in my little zoom screen and pages and pages of people. And yet he called me out and he said, Jen, I wrote to be brave. And he said, I'm so tired of people saying that they just, that they need more bravery, that they need to be brave. He said, you don't need to, you don't need to find more bravery. You just need to decide what you're committed to. And it struck me that he's right. And so I thought,

No, I actually know exactly what I'm committed to and those are my values. And so it helps me be more courageous when I can tie my choices and the next step that I need to take back to those values and those things that I'm committed to. And it sounds like that's what you did when you launched the podcast is you really checked in with yourself about what matters most and you stepped into it, even though it felt scary.

Lindsay Harwell (24:25)
Yeah, and I think ⁓ courage is doing something even though you're afraid, right? And, you know, when you say your values, I mean, I've had folks that I've worked with and ⁓ friends and, you know, they have the value wheels where it's like the little circle and then it kind of keeps growing bigger. That has been the hardest exercise for me to do in all honesty, just because

Again, it's like unlearning what you were taught your whole life, which is you can do it all, you can be it all, you can have it all. And so I think prioritizing and creating that clarity of like, what are my values? What is most important to me? It was really hard for me because I wanted it all. And I was like, well, but I want all of it. So why can't I do all of it? And I think some of it comes with...

Jen Porter (25:12)
Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (25:19)
You know, maturity, I was telling someone the other day, you you, you go through life long enough. You've been knocked down a few times. You've had to get yourself back up. You've had to really figure out how to pivot and how to do hard things. And I think some of that clarity just comes with life, you know, and, and maturity of life and, having certain things happen to you. I think you have to have really great people around you and be discerning about who's speaking life.

into you and who's speaking truth into you. Look around your friend circle. I would encourage people to do that. Are those the people that are going to help boost you and lift you up? Or are they the people that are not really there to support you? And then I think the final thing is this concept of

Jen Porter (25:57)
Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (26:12)
You know, always see these means like no one's coming to save you. Well, no one is coming to save you unless it's, you know, Jesus. But I would say what I take from that is no one's going to believe in you and your dreams as much as you are. And so that's another thing that I'm starting to discover through this podcast launch, which is while I have amazing supporters and encouragers, no one's going to come do it for me. No one's going to come do the work. No one's going to come figure it out for me.

And I do think that's part of that permission piece is I think sometimes I Equated well, I want someone to come help me or I want someone to tell me I I'm good enough for that or I should take that chance or take that opportunity No one's coming to tell me that I I gotta find it in myself and I was actually I a friend of mine on the podcast the other day ⁓ and she was talking about

Jen Porter (27:00)
Mm-hmm.

Lindsay Harwell (27:10)
like her circle and how she was not able to do things without her family support. And so again, like, yes, you can have all the support in the world, but it's on you. It's on you to go do the thing.

Jen Porter (27:24)
Mm hmm. Yeah. I want to circle back to something you shared earlier, because I, I know that we as women and the listeners could all relate to having gone through a life altering experience, like something that, you know, not just like, that was hard, but this is actually shaking my whole world kind of stuff that we go through. And you talked about

Lindsay Harwell (27:49)
Yes.

Jen Porter (27:54)
this really profound way that you moved through that. And I want to hear more about it because what, what I heard and what you shared is you were very intentional in how you moved through that crisis. And I'm just curious what, ⁓ use it sounded like you were at this real maturity and how you approached it, but I'm sure it didn't feel like a coherent plan. You know, you, I'm sure it like chaos.

in the moment. can you tell us how did you respond to that crisis? Because I heard you say, I want to come out of this as a whole person with healing, ⁓ regardless of the outcome of this, you regardless of circumstances. And I think we face that a lot over the course of our life. Can you tell us more about how you navigated that?

Lindsay Harwell (28:45)
Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I look back, I'm not sure that I navigated anything with any level of grace. But yes, definitely not a, you know, I had a bad day type of situation, right? This was definitely turn your world upside down. You know, as I'm navigating it, I'm working, I had a new job, I was about three months in when this happened, I had children. Like life doesn't stop when

your world turns upside down. You whether it's an illness or something in your marriage or something with your children, like life doesn't stop. so having to navigate this situation with doing all the things that I was already doing, right? Keeping life afloat and all the things. And I would say, ⁓

Jen Porter (29:34)
Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (29:41)
I think my faith, definitely, I that's the number one thing that I leaned on. remember, I mean, days that I would drop the kids off at school and I'd come home and I'd just put worship music on and I would drive into the driveway and just sit in the car and weep and listen to music and pray and just be with the Lord in those moments. And I would say that is the number one thing that I think got me through. ⁓

But I also think that these traumatic events can help you shift in terms of, I am no longer willing to live how I was living. And so now my path forward, my choice is I change and I'm deliberate, or I keep living how I was living. And is that what I want? Is that what I want my life to be like?

Jen Porter (30:21)
Hmm.

Lindsay Harwell (30:36)
And so it's this pivotal moment of making a choice, like you said, ⁓ leaning on my faith and then having really amazing just helpers, ⁓ you know, programs and therapists and things like that to really help me get through it. But it wasn't... The deliberate piece was I have to come out of this okay with me.

Jen Porter (30:50)
Yeah.

Hmm.

Lindsay Harwell (31:04)
more than anything else because if I'm not okay, if I'm on shaky ground, what does that mean for my children? What does that mean for how we proceed forward? If this all falls apart tomorrow, like if I'm not well, if I'm not secure, if I'm not confident, and if I don't have margin in my life, because I had no margin before, none.

Jen Porter (31:12)
Yeah.

Thank you.

Lindsay Harwell (31:31)
⁓ and I, it just goes back to like, stop asking permission, speak up and speak what you need. That was one of my other biggest problems. I was afraid to ask for what I needed to ask for what served me because I thought it was selfish or I was asking too much or I always wanted to make myself smaller. And somehow through this massive trauma,

Jen Porter (31:31)
Hmm.

Lindsay Harwell (31:56)
I've emerged strong and like planted and solid and I asked for what I need. I say what I need and I'm not going to shy away from it anymore. And I think that's the biggest shift that I've made, but it was a decision. It was a decision that I had to make.

Jen Porter (32:14)
Yeah. I'm curious how you changed. Cause you said I had to change, right? You, that was part of the decision was I have to change, but, that's one of the hardest things, right? Especially when we're deeply, ⁓ like the ruts are really deep in the way our ways of being, especially with a human relationships and dynamics, there's a certain dance we're used to doing. And what did you do to, change? Because it's hard for us to change on our own.

Lindsay Harwell (32:20)
how to change.

Yeah, I think you have to get to the place where what is what you're doing today, you acknowledge that that is not serving you well anymore. You know, if you think about and I'm not an expert in this, I'm just trying to use an analogy where you think about people that are maybe in addiction, right? And they talk about kind of hitting rock bottom and acknowledging like, okay, I need to do something different. I can't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

And I think in a way that's where I was at. I was at this place of just, it was rock bottom, ⁓ not from addiction, but just emotionally rock bottom for me. And I had luckily, and I do think, I mean, I give it all to the Lord because I don't think I could have come to this clarity through my own, you know, just myself, but just recognizing that what I had been doing,

is no longer serving me well, it's affecting my health, it's affecting my emotional well-being, it's affecting my parenting, and it's also limiting my opportunities just in life, whether it's career or friendships or whatever, it's limiting me. And I just didn't wanna keep doing the same thing over and over again, because I didn't wanna have the same outcome. I wanted a different outcome. But I do think you have to get to that place, I mean, whether you talk about losing weight or, you know.

a career change or all, like you have to get to a place where you are decisive and you recognize that what I'm doing today is not going to get me where I want to be tomorrow or in five years or whatever the case may be.

Jen Porter (34:12)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I want to bring up one topic and then I want to talk more about your reclaimed and what's going to be happening coming up. You've talked about the several things that I want to highlight for listeners because I think so many of us can struggle with it and it will continue to be a fear if we don't find a different solution and that's around that people pleasing.

You you talked about, it sounds to me like you were nurtured in a way to be people pleasing, that that was maybe a way of being that was natural and maybe modeled for you. And so really going above and beyond to make sure that other people were okay in your choices so that the fear that comes up, the desire to please are

you know, in people pleasing, we're okay if the other people are okay. And if the other people are not okay, we're not okay. There is that that codependent dynamic. And what I was hearing and what you're saying is the fear underneath all of that, like the reason that people we behave that way is because we're afraid of rejection. Right? We're afraid that if we don't do it right, well enough, if we're not pleasing enough, then we're going to lose

relationships, they're going to be severed and we're going to end up alone in some way. That's the like, like cycle, psychological fear is that we're going to be rejected. And I heard you say in this example that you gave about the crisis and how you navigated that is no matter the circumstances, I have to be okay. I have to come out of this. Okay. No matter what's happening around us or no matter the choices that other people are making, you own your own.

Lindsay Harwell (35:53)
Yeah.

Jen Porter (36:18)
choices. And what I want to highlight for people is that we can overcome a lot of those fears and that tension around, know, is everybody else okay if our identity is secure? And the only way that we can have a secure identity is if we're rooted in who the maker of us says we are. And so I do a lot of work around identity in Christ.

Because if we're trying to create our own identity, it's going to falter. You know, we're not going to be able to live up to our own standards if we set them. But if we listen to the scriptures of what God says about us, then our foundation is going to be way firmer, stronger, more rooted and grounded so that we can operate from a place that we're actually called to and not live out of fear because we're afraid we're not.

Lindsay Harwell (37:13)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jen Porter (37:16)
who, you know, we're not enough. And, and so I just encourage women to really get rooted in who we are as, as daughters of the King. And I do a whole series on the podcast on this. So our identity in Christ. So if you, if you need to know like who you are, go back and listen to that. It's called identity in Christ. And it starts with being loved. We're loved not because of what we do and not based on our performance, but who we are. So I just wanted to share that so that,

people can have a tool to really root down when especially when life is hard and especially when they're trying to go through some transformation.

Lindsay Harwell (37:54)
Yeah, yeah, I love that. And I think there's one thing I wanna plug to. There's a new movie out called, He Calls Me Daughter. I don't know if you've heard of it. You can watch it, you can download it, but it kind of speaks to this, when you have a father wound, how you relate to the Lord, and also how you see yourself, right, as a daughter. So if anyone is having those issues, I highly recommend you go find that on, I think it's on Instagram, and you can Google it. I think The Angel.

Network is the one that produced that. Yeah. He calls me daughter. Yeah. It's a great documentary style film. what I want to share is, I had parents that loved me. I was not in a bad situation. My parents got divorced when I was young. And I think even before that,

Jen Porter (38:24)
Angel Studios, say the name of it again. He calls me daughter. Okay, thank you for that.

Lindsay Harwell (38:48)
Regardless of intent, I started internalizing as a very young girl, things like, you're not okay just being who you are. You need to act this way. You need to talk this way. ⁓ You should perform this way. And so I internalized all of that through the lens of a child, right? And as I grew up,

Jen Porter (39:12)
Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (39:14)
I think life sometimes has a way of reinforcing those messages if you let it. And so that people pleasing that not knowing what I wanted, not having my voice, it to your point, it came from this fear of being unloved, unlovable, unwanted. ⁓ Do I know where that came from? I don't, I can't pinpoint where that came from, but I can tell you, you know, as a little girl, I was very out there, you know,

Jen Porter (39:37)
Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (39:43)
It was the kid that came downstairs and put on shows for my family and my parents. And at some point, I think I got the message that like, you need to put it away. That's too much. You're too much. People don't really want to hear that or see that. And that became my mantra of life is like, how do I shrink enough that I can get by without ruffling feathers or being too much for somebody?

And at this stage of my life, I'm okay if I'm too much for you or you and I maybe we can be nice to each other, but maybe we're not gonna be friends or maybe we're just not each other's cup of tea. I think I'm just, I'm okay with that now. And there's a confidence that's been built through this crisis around looking back and saying, look what I've accomplished. Look what I've got through.

look what I've been able to do and be proud. I used to think being proud of things was being like sinful in some way. I'm not, I don't feel that way. I'm actually very proud. I'll be the first person to tell you I'm an awesome mother and I'm very proud of what I've done with my kids. You know, am I the best at work? No, but I think I'm good. Like I think I have great skills and things to bring to the table. ⁓ So I...

I think leaning into like really understanding what you bring to the table, what your strengths are, what you're good at and leaning on those. think for so long and if you're in corporate, you're constantly told what you need to fix. You're very rarely told what you're doing really well, right? And so it's just all those messages that we get and it starts when we're little. We start building these like tapes in your head, right? And we just put them on recycle, recycle, recycle.

And so ⁓ that's what I was dealing with and living through up until probably about three, three-ish years ago.

Jen Porter (41:45)
Wow, what a shift. And thank God for it. You know, as hard as it is to go through the suffering, ⁓ there is something good that can come. Totally. You never waste anything.

Lindsay Harwell (41:47)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

But he never wastes it, right, Jen? Like, that's the thing. He

never wastes suffering. And for a little while, maybe a year, I mean, it was like, Lord, what have I done to deserve this, right? Going back to the, must be my fault, right? What have I done to deserve this? I went back to everything I'd done in life. That must be what caused this. That must be what caused this. But at end of the day, God does not use tragedy or trauma to...

Jen Porter (42:02)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (42:21)
push you down. He finds a way to point to him through those things. And I think that is where I've landed is like, if I can use this to point to him, if I can use this to help someone else get through this situation, then it's, it's been worth it. It's, it's, it's been a worthwhile journey. ⁓ you know, I look at people that use things like, you know, they've been in addiction and now they're helping people come out of addiction.

Jen Porter (42:50)
Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay Harwell (42:51)
you know, or

women who've been through maybe the loss of a child and now they're helping other women get through that tragedy. Like, I just think the Lord never wastes a moment. And so just going back to if I didn't know Christ, I don't know that I'd be where I'm at today. I don't know that I would be in this position. I think that is the foundation that everything else was built upon.

Jen Porter (43:06)
Thank you.

What does the word reclaimed mean to you? Why did you name the podcast that?

Lindsay Harwell (43:18)
⁓ It was a long process in figuring out what to name this podcast. I probably went through a hundred different names Reclaim to me is reclaiming some of the things I've been talking about just who you are your identity Being strong in like what I want what I need being okay to ask for it being okay with the acknowledgement of this is what I'm good at but this is maybe this is what I'm not good at and that's okay or ⁓

sifting through kind of the junk that you hear and getting to the truth, but just like owning owning who you are again and reclaiming like this is my identity. This is who I want to be known as. This is what I want to be. This is what I'm aspiring to ⁓ versus this concept of ⁓ shrinking or kind of doing what you think you're supposed to do, but it's not honoring who you are.

Jen Porter (44:14)
Yeah, beautiful. And will you be interviewing guests or will it be a combination of your wisdom that you're sharing and other people that will be featured?

Lindsay Harwell (44:25)
Yeah, so at this point it's a guest set up. So I've got guests coming on to talk about different topics. topics, I've had Hugh on, so we've talked about the lioness and I've got some topics on personal branding, burnout, entrepreneurship and kind of what does that look like and mean. So I'm excited. I'm always looking for new topics and new people to have on the show.

And maybe at some point I'll do a solo show, but at this point I really want to lean in on the wisdom from other folks and their expertise.

Jen Porter (45:03)
Mm-hmm. So everyone check it out. It's called reclaimed and ⁓ you can check out the trailer now and there's going to be episodes that'll be released really, really soon. So look up Lindsay Harwell reclaimed on all the podcast platforms and check her out. Give her a, give her a subscribe and a high five. And you know, if you want to learn more about the lioness community, you can, you can connect with me through my website, Jen Porter coach.com.

Lindsay Harwell (45:22)
I would love it.

Jen Porter (45:33)
and learn what it is to be part of this community. And if you're interested in doing some one-on-one work, if any of this has resonated and you wanna dig into this, you can reach out to me and we can talk about what that looks like. ⁓ And you can nominate somebody through the website to be on the podcast. So if there's somebody whose lioness voice deserves to be heard on this show,

please reach out to me. I love to entertain all recommendations and get to meet the most amazing people through nominations. So thanks so much for being with us. Lindsay, thanks so much for coming on and sharing your story and the wisdom and the truths that you've lived by and the intentionality with which you live your life and that you're still working on it. But thanks for sharing those nuggets of wisdom with us. Until the next episode, the lioness in me sees the lioness in you.